


Half of My Heart

by vodkasam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt!Sam, Hurt/Comfort, Stanford Era, Weecest, Wincest - Freeform, sort of, stanford!sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:00:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vodkasam/pseuds/vodkasam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sam. Hey.”</p><p>Sam gives Dean one look, one sad, kicked puppy dog look, and completely bursts into tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Half of My Heart

When Dean gets back to the motel, he hears Sam in the bathroom. There’s shuffling and sniffing, and then silence.

“Sammy?” Dean calls. “You okay?” After more silence, he knocks on the door. “Sam.”  
Sam opens the door slowly, his whole upper body hunched slightly down. Even though his eyes are on the carpet, Dean can see how red they are. His stomach drops.

“Sam. Hey.”

Sam gives him one look, one sad, kicked puppy dog look, and completely bursts into tears. The alarm must be clear in Dean’s eyes because all of a sudden Sam is blurting out a string of, “I’m okay, it’s fine, Dean, I’m fine”s , which really only make Dean worry more.

They get to the couch, and gigantic Sam has his knees pulled to his chest, and he’s almost kind of rocking back and forth biting his lip, but then he looks back at Dean and loses it. Again.

Fear is creeping into Dean’s mind, more with every heartbeat. This is not like Sam at all, and it’s almost as if he’s reacting to Dean. It’s Dean that’s making him upset? Is Dean the reason behind the outbursts?

“What did I do,” Dean asks, but it’s phrased like a command. Tell me now, he thinks. “Sammy, come on. What happened, you can tell me. I won’t be mad.”

Sam shakes his head, hard. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”

“Sammy-“

“It said it’s nothing!” he shouts.

Seven seconds of tense silence pass and then Sam and Dean are simultaneously reaching for each other. Sam grabs at Dean’s shoulders and clothes, pulling him as close as he can. Dean’s busy opening his arms to welcome Sam in and give him some comfort. 

“You… you smellin’ me?” Dean asks, trying to smile, but Sam is too preoccupied breathing in Dean’s scent to answer. He’s sniffing so hard that he’s making himself lightheaded, but all he really wants is to remember. He knows he’ll get lonely and homesick – well, Deansick – the first couple of days. Maybe even weeks. He can’t forget the comfort that just the smell of Dean has. Leather and alcohol and sweat and musk and everything else that combines to be the most relaxing scent Sam knows. And as much as he wishes he could stay here with his brother, he knows he has to go. Stanford is his only way out. If only he could bring Dean with him…

But Dean will hate him when he goes. 

Sam bursts into a fresh round of tears at that though, crying so hard that moments come where he can’t even make noise. Dean asks over and over what’s wrong, with increasing intensity, but Sam just can’t bring himself to answer. His whole body is shaking out of his control. He wants to answer, wants desperately to, but it’s just not an option. This is Sam’s goodbye. 

“You,” Sam chokes out, “you know I love you, right?”

Dean pulls back and cups his brother’s face. “Of course, Sammy.” He pales. “Did you take something?”

“No.”

“Sammy, what did you do?”

“Nothing, Dean, nothing! I’m not trying to kill myself, just-just calm down.”

“How can I be calm?” Dean asks, running a hand over his hair. “I come home and you’ve fallen apart and you won’t even tell me why. I mean, are you hurt?” Sam shakes his head no. “Okay. Good. Something bad happen?”

“I’m not talking about this,” Sam says brokenly, curling back in on himself. “I can’t.”

“You’ll tell me later?”

Sam nods. Damn right he would. He’s not leaving his brother to worry. Sam’s planning on getting rid of his phone and getting a new one so Dad and Dean won’t be able to reach him. Won’t tell them where he’s living, won’t tell them anything. 

An hour comes and goes with both of the boys staring at the tv but not really watching. Eventually they get into their beds, but Sam doesn’t sleep, just lies there quietly crying. He gets up, walks to Dean’s bed, and gently shakes Dean awake. 

“You okay?”

Sam just bites his lip. “Can I stay with you?” It almost comes out as a whimper. When Sam tries to thank Dean for lifting the covers and letting him in, his voice breaks. Dean immediately pulls him close and wraps around him, letting his giant younger brother be the little spoon. 

In the morning, Dean wakes to an empty bed and a letter on the kitchen table.  
 __  
Dean,  
I know I kept this a secret, but I lied. I’m going to Stanford. Bus leaves at 6, so I guess when you read this I’ll be long gone. Dean… I wish I could stay with you. I wish you could come with me. I’m sitting on the bed with you right now and you’re sleeping and you look so peaceful. I need you to find someone that will let you be peaceful like that. Someone who makes you happy. I know you’re not happy. I wish you were.  
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough, and I’m sorry that I scared you last night, and I wish that we could stay together forever. But this life just isn’t for me, and we both know that. Dad doesn’t understand me, but I know you do. Thank you for that. You mean so much to me, you're like half of my heart.  
I love you, Dean, and I know you hate me now, and for that I am so, so sorry. You won’t be able to call me or write me, but I’ll find you if I need to.  
Even though this is what I want, I can’t stop crying. I don’t want to leave you.  
I love you so much.  
Sammy  



End file.
